


Ask GGAD:  Dragon Pox Edition

by AlbusGellertAlways



Series: Grindeldore Oneshots [31]
Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon Gay Relationship, Crack Treated Seriously, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Romance, newspaper column
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:07:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23315902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlbusGellertAlways/pseuds/AlbusGellertAlways
Summary: Albus and Gellert believe that their usual audience of men inclined towards other men will have questions about being quarantined with their significant other during the Dragon Pox pandemic, so they start a new advice column.  Silliness (and good advice) ensues.
Relationships: Albus Dumbledore/Gellert Grindelwald
Series: Grindeldore Oneshots [31]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1192786
Comments: 9
Kudos: 35





	Ask GGAD:  Dragon Pox Edition

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Litsetaure](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Litsetaure/gifts).



> A/N: So I had a silly idea that will help me process my feelings about this whole coronavirus situation. Hopefully, for the most part, it comes across as light and funny. I hope I don't offend anyone. I'm taking this situation very seriously. 
> 
> I kept their age open-ended, so just use your imagination.

Disclaimer: JKR owns it.

.~.

Ask GGAD: Dragon Pox Edition

.~.

The Wizarding World was in the middle of a Dragon Pox pandemic and Albus and Gellert were quarantined together in their small flat in Hogsmeade. Albus had the bright idea to start a new column to help their readers of their Ask GGAD sex and romance column, meaning men inclined towards other men. He wished to give advice on how to cope with being stuck at home with one's significant other.

“Gell, I have an idea for another column, to help people like us through this pandemic.” Albus ran the idea past his boyfriend, who was just as enthusiastic as he was. 

“Let’s run an advert in the _Prophet_ ,” Gellert suggested. “Our audience should see it and the rest of the world will never be wiser.”

“Good plan.” Jubilant, Albus leaned over and kissed Gellert, which turned into quite the romp in their bed. 

“We have got to do this more often,” said Gellert, brushing Albus’ sweaty bangs away from his flushed face. “Now that I’ve been ordered to work at home, I love being stuck at home with you all day.”

Albus smiled. “I love it too. I doubt we’ll get this chance again before we retire so we should make the most of it.”

“You read my mind, darling,” said Gellert, nuzzling Albus’ neck. “In that case, do you want to go another round?”

Albus groaned. “You’ll be the death of me, Gellert Grindelwald. I’m exhausted.”

“That’s not a no,” Gellert smirked at him.

“That’s not a no,” Albus agreed and grinned when Gellert climbed on top of him.

.~.

_Two days later_

After several days of domestic bliss, Gellert was itching to get out of the house but Albus only let him out to go on walks or to the market, and even then Gellert had to keep his distance from other shoppers. Social distancing, it was called, to slow the spread of the potentially deadly disease. 

Then a distraction arrived right when Gellert came back from the market with their food. A bundle of letters was waiting downstairs in their mailbox. Gellert grabbed them and hurried up the stairs.

“Albus, we got a bunch of letters. Look!” Gellert crowed as he entered their flat. He dumped them out on the couch for Albus to see. 

“Goodness, already?” Albus beamed. “Looks like people like us really want advice.”

“That’s because our advice is the best. Let’s answer some of them,” Gellert urged.

“Very well. Shall we use the same format as we do for our sex column?” Albus suggested as he gathered their needed supplies.

“Yes, I think that works best,” Gellert agreed, picking out a letter from the bunch. He broke the seal and reached for his quill. “Ooh, let’s start with this one.”

_Dear GGAD: I’ve been stuck at home with my boyfriend for a week and he’s already grating on my last nerve. What should I do?_

GG: Seduce him and have as much sex as possible. That should alleviate the tension.

AD: While sex can help bring you closer, be sure to ask your SO what he is feeling. Perhaps he is feeling worried about the disease and how much it has changed our lives in such a short amount of time and he just needs to talk to you about it. Perhaps you need to tell him exactly what it is he’s doing to annoy you so he can alter his behavior. Or perhaps you need to spend some time apart each day so you don’t drive each other crazy. We’re all learning how to live in quarantine, so don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t always go smoothly.

GG: _We_ haven’t had a fight.

AD: It’s only been two days. If we’re in close proximity for a long length of time, sooner or later we’re bound to disagree on something.

GG: No, our life is perfect and don’t you believe otherwise.

AD: What am I going to do with you?

GG: Blow me?

AD: Argh!

_Dear GGAD: My boyfriend and I have been quarantined together and he’s already gone through most of our snacks and sweets. I’d rather not have to go out and buy food every other day and expose myself to the virus. What should I do?_

GG: I’m experiencing the same thing. AD has done a number on our supply of sweets and I’m not getting my fair share.

AD: You know not to get between me and my sweets.

GG: Yes, dear.

AD: But seriously, try to conserve your food, at least a little bit. More than likely the markets will remain open but it is good to have a small supply of non-perishables just in case.

_Dear GGAD: I love my boyfriend to death, but now that we are at home together all the time, he keeps burping and farting in my presence and it’s starting to annoy me. It really shatters the romantic image that I had of him. How do I make sure to keep the romance alive so that we don’t turn into mere roommates?_

AD: There are lots of things you can do. You can dress up and have a nice dinner together, perhaps splurging a little on a special dish or you can make your own dessert. If you have a bathtub, you can take a bath together and fill the room with candles and scented soap. Do a hobby together or play a game. Wizarding chess and Exploding Snap are my two favorites.

GG: Oh yes, lots of games. *winks* Be sure to mix things up in the bedroom too. Try new things that you’ve been holding back on. You have the time now, so that’s no excuse. In fact, I really should take advantage of this. I’ve got something in mind, but AD keeps shooting me down. Perhaps it’s time to try again.

AD: Oh joy. 

_Dear GGAD: My boyfriend isn’t taking this Dragon Pox pandemic seriously. He’s going out and congregating in large crowds even though we are supposed to be social distancing. I’m afraid he’s going to put me at risk of getting the disease, even though he swears we are too young to contract it. What should I do?_

GG: How irresponsible! I wouldn’t stand for it. Put your foot down. Tell him he needs to take it seriously or else you will break up with him.

AD: I don’t think severe threats are applicable to this situation, at least not right away. Try to explain to him the severity of the situation and use known data about the disease to back up your claims. I know most young people are not at risk of dying from it, but does he really want to take that chance? If he doesn’t alter his behavior soon, then you can threaten to end things. Good luck.

_Dear GGAD: When is this pandemic going to end? I heard possibly by Easter but I don’t think that was from a reliable source._

GG: Don’t worry, it will definitely be over by Easter. Except it WON’T. Our leaders may wish that this would be true, but if you look at the statistics, the number of people who have the disease are still rising. There is no evidence that the number will level off by that time.

AD: GG is right. Please don’t get your hopes up. It takes time to ride this out and it’s better to err on the side of caution so that we don’t experience a second wave of the disease. Please listen to your local leaders. They will tell you when it is safe to go back to work.

_Dear GGAD: My boyfriend has family in New York City, one of the hardest-hit areas in America. He’s very upset about it and he’s worried that MACUSA isn’t doing enough to help the people in need. What can I do to keep him calm?_

GG: Not much. You need to be realistic about it with him. He should know that it will get worse before it gets better so he can prepare himself for the worst. 

AD: GG, that is terrible advice! First, reassure him that you are always going to stay with him through this tough time. Then try to get in touch with his family. If you can’t reach them, try to remain as hopeful as possible. Try to keep him occupied so that he doesn’t dwell on the situation and don’t let him listen to the news very often as it will only depress him. Also, give him lots of cuddles. That always helps me.

_Dear GGAD: My boyfriend and I have certain Dragon Pox symptoms but neither of us has turned green or has been sneezing fire. Should we try to get tested?_

GG: Absolutely. Everyone who wants a test can have one. Except they CAN’T. Please do not listen to the people who are spreading this misinformation. Listen to your local leaders, who are doing a good job to quell the spread.

AD: Thankfully people exhibiting the obvious symptoms like sneezing sparks, having pockmarks or their skin having a green tinge don’t have to be tested. However, there are those who are showing less common symptoms. Due to a lack of tests thanks to the slow response of our lovely government leaders, the WHO is recommending that only those with SEVERE secondary symptoms (such as a cough, fever, or sore throat) be tested. Please wait to be tested until the WHO has declared there are enough tests for everyone who wants one. It would also be a good idea to self-quarantine, just in case.

_Dear GGAD: I heard that there is already a cure for Dragon Pox, a particular potion that is being touted by some. It seems too good to be true. Is it?_

GG: Don’t worry if it sounds unbelievable, a cure has already been found in the few short months since the Dragon Pox began. Except it HASN’T. That is completely unrealistic. Healers haven’t had enough time for clinical trials to approve a vaccine or a potion. Please don’t listen to people who claim this is true.

AD: Scams are everywhere. Please don’t fall for them, especially if someone you don’t know is asking for money in exchange for a cure. Despite being touted by a few members of the Ministry, there is NO CURE at the moment. No potion can cure this disease as of yet. Do not hoard potion ingredients because you think they will cure the disease because people need them to help with their other ailments.

_Dear GGAD: My boyfriend is a hoarder. He bought ten packs of toilet paper, fifteen packs of pasta, ten jars of pickles, and he also stocked up on peanut butter, to name a few. Now our house is filled with food, some that we might never eat. How can I get him to stop?_

AD: It seems that he had given into fear. That’s too bad because it is best that we don't panic and act rationally. You can try to convince him that it is not necessary to hoard these items and by doing so, he is keeping them from people who truly need them. 

GG: What an asshole. Dump his ass immediately if he doesn’t change his behavior. You don’t need to be with someone like that in these trying times.

AD: How can you talk? What about your practically endless supply of bratwurst?

GG: No comment.

_Dear GGAD: To prevent the spread of Dragon Pox, the Wizarding Health Organization tells us that along with washing our hands, we are not to touch our faces. My question is, how many times a day should I be disinfecting my engagement pendant? I touch it way more than my face. Asking for my boyfriend._

Albus looked at the letter and rolled his eyes. “ _Gel_ lert,” Albus complained. “What are you doing writing us a letter?”

“It’s a legitimate question,” said Gellert with a pout, unconsciously reaching for the pendant that hung around his neck. “I love touching our pendant and I do it all the time. It gives me reassurance that you’re always going to be with me forever."

“Aw, Gell, that’s sweet.” Albus smiled at Gellert as he considered the question. “I think disinfecting it every night before bed should be sufficient.”

“Thanks, AD.” Gellert winked at him. “You give great advice.”

“I know,” said Albus, giving a little smirk. “That’s because I’m the superior wizard.”

“I’ll show you superior,” Gellert growled as he maneuvered Albus against the wall and reached into his trousers. 

As Albus moaned as a result of Gellert’s actions, he thanked Merlin that they were both men and they would not be creating a ‘Dragon Pox baby’ as the number of women getting pregnant as a result of the quarantine was sure to skyrocket. He briefly wondered how long it would take before they got on each other’s nerves, but decided it didn’t matter if he got to reap the benefits of them being alone together like this for an undetermined amount of time.

.~.

The End

(Or is it?)

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I might continue this if people leave me more Dragon Pox related questions for Grindeldore. Thanks for comments and kudos – they make my day.


End file.
